If you expect to get advice like, “grow a five o’clock shadow” or “work out”, you’re wrong. That kind of advice doesn’t fix the real problemWhat you will learn are the mental and behavioral habits that will increase your likelihood of attracting women.How do I know this?
In a period of 4 months, I transformed myself from someone who struggled to interact with women with confidence into someone who often had spontaneous positive interactions with women as I went about daily life. That’s right. By accident.
I want you to let go and allow me to indulge your mind with an alternative reality of what it takes to become that guy that women want to talk with, spend time with, and date.
So are you ready? Lets get started!
1. Ask empowering questionsYou’re walking down the street and see a beautiful woman walking past you and you have the urge to approach her. What is going through your mind?
Most likely you’re asking yourself questions like, “what if she doesn’t like me?” or “what if I get embarrassed?”
There are two types of questions: empowering questions, and disempowering questions. Empowering questions cause you to take action, and disempowering ones causes you to freeze up.
The types of questions you ask yourself effects what you chose to focus on and thus, how you’ll feel.
When you focus on what can go wrong, you get approach anxiety. But when you focus on what can go right or what you can learn from the situation, you will feel empowered.
Men who expect women to want to engage with them ask questions that guide their mind to focus on the desired outcome. If you focus on what you want you’ll feel excited; if you focus on what you don’t want, you’ll feel nervous.
The difference between a man who interacts confidently with women on a consistent basis and a man who doesn’t, comes down to the difference in the questions they consistently ask themselves.
If you ask disempowering questions (“what if she doesn’t like me and rejects me in front of everyone?”), your mind will look for answers, even if it doesn’t make rational sense. The response will sound like, “you might look stupid in front of everyone”. A response to a disempowering question brings feelings of doubt and lack of confidence.
But if you ask empowering questions, such as, “what if she’s my next girlfriend?”, or “what can I learn from this regardless of the outcome?”, your mind will begin to look for answers, such as “I can’t miss out! I must approach her!” or “I can use this as a reference experience to improve my confidence with women,” your mind will respond with thoughts and emotions that will make you take action.
Rather than asking disempowering questions, begin to become aware of whenever you notice yourself asking disempowering questions and in exchange ask empowering question.
So if you hear yourself asking yourself, “what if she’s already taken?”, stop and interrupt the pattern by asking yourself, “what if she doesn’t have a boyfriend and she likes me?” or something along those lines. The feeling of missing out on your next girlfriend or partner will cause you to take action.
Anytime you feel some doubt or uncertainty, become aware of the questions you have to answer to elicit that kind of emotional response. You can ask yourself, “What would I have to ask myself to feel afraid of going for the kiss?” If you are aware enough you’ll notice you’re asking yourself disempowering questions such as “what if she rejects me?”
So take control of your mind and begin to ask yourself empowering questions so that you can expect more out of life and increase your confidence with talking to women!
2. MeditateI always instruct my students to learn how to meditate because meditation enables you to be calm and relaxed in the presence of a woman.
Most guys suffer from anxiety when they chat up a beautiful woman. Learning how to meditate will enable you to actually be yourself because your true self is not inhibited by nervousness.
Studies show that meditation helps regulate stress. So before going out on a date or to a bar, meditate.
Studies also show that men who meditate are perceived as more attractive to women compared to men who don’t meditate.
That’s the best way to pregame.
3. Be congruentBeing congruent is whenever you align with your thoughts, words and actions.
For example, If you want to kiss the girl, but hesitate because of fear of rejection, and you try to hide your fear by acting confident, you’ll come off as weird and indecisive. Your thoughts are not aligned with your words and actions.
Being congruent is embracing how you feel and not being afraid to express it. If you want to kiss her, go for it. Don’t wait for the right moment, just do it.
But If you fear going for the kiss then don’t hide it as well. The willingness to show weakness is a sign of a confident and naturally attractive man. The more you try to hide, the less confident you are.
If you feel nervous about approaching a girl, and you attempt to approach as though you’re confident, it’ll come off as weird and creepy. That’s why most girls think guys are creepy: because they’re trying to put on an act. It’s better to embrace and accept that you feel nervous.
What shows more confidence, being nervous and trying to hide it or being nervous and not being afraid to show it?
Sometimes when I’m feeling frustrated and I see a girl I like, I don’t try to approach trying to give off a happy vibe. I approach embracing my frustration, so the opener I use will sound similar to this: Damn, I feel so frustrated with things right now, but I thought you were cute and I had to approach you.
That’ll come off genuine and charming. The more real you are, the higher the chance the girl will want to listen to you.
4. Be self amusedOne of the few reasons we love kids (just kidding) is because they know how to have fun on their own; they know how to amuse themselves. If a child wants to run around and act like a plane, they’ll do so without feeling judged. The child welcomes that you join in the fun, but they don’t need you in order to have fun.
In relation to women, being self amused is expressing how you feel without wanting anything in return. If you feel like approaching this woman, you do so because you feel like doing it, not because you expect something from it.
Most guys focus on making making the girl react, but what I want you to start developing is focusing on making yourself react.
You’re not focused on saying things or doing things to game her, instead you’re focusing on gaming yourself.
If you say a joke, you say the joke because it’s funny to you, not because you want to get a reaction out of her. You won’t be peeking out of one eye to see if she’s laughing because you said the joke because it was funny to you. She just happened to be there.
When you begin to get in the habit of amusing yourself you become a fun person to be with. Not only with other people, but with yourself. You can have fun without needing anyone to make it whole. Nothing’s better than hanging out with someone who’s not trying to impress you and who’s able to have fun regardless if you’re there or not.
This causes people to want to join in the fun because if they see you having fun on your own, they figure that you must be fun to hang out with. That’s the logic that causes women, and people in general, to be drawn to you.
If you approach a girl and she’s acting in a way that makes you unsure how she’s feeling, you won’t react automatically negatively to this out of defensiveness, you’re deriving your positive emotions from your own self, not from her reaction. But when you’re focused on getting a good reaction from her, any negative reaction causes you to lose your confidence.
Take back control and focus on making yourself react because that’s something that’s in your control.
5. Be a passionateThere’s a difference in the manner with which a passionate person expresses themselves as opposed to someone who lacks passion. They are more enthusiastic, and energetic, and the great thing about it is that they’re enthusiasm is contagious, no matter what it is they’re talking about.
If you say anything with enough passion, it’s going to be perceived as more interesting than if you spoke without passion.
I’ve had a lot of women tell me that they love whenever I talk about anything relating to psychology and/or mindfulness because they can feel the passion behind my words.
Having a passion also means that your sense of self is not limited to only women. You find a great deal of pleasure in engaging in your passion which means that if you go home alone you won’t feel as bad. You have something to look forward to.
One of my passions is basketball. I know that if I don’t go home with a woman, basketball will always be there for me. I can just forget everything and play ball.
Women want to know that you’re going to be alright if they happen to leave you because nothing sucks more than knowing that leaving someone will ruin their lives. That’s a huge load of responsibility to place on someone and something that most women wouldn’t want to take on.
6. Don’t take rejection personallyThe most successful people in the world, particularly men who are good at interacting with women, differ in the way they react to “rejection” compared to men who don’t get how to talk to women.
I realized that when a girl rejects you, she really isn’t rejecting you, she’s just rejecting the idea of being with you. The only reason why we take it personally is because our sense of self is attached to the woman’s reaction (if she likes you or not).
When you begin to see that rejections happen every second of the day, you’ll realize that its no big deal.
Think about it, you reject people, I reject people, we all reject people on a daily basis. If we all took every rejection personally we would all be going nuts!
For the most part, women reject men because they either are having a bad day, or you caught them at a bad time. But we never see that. We think we’re the center of the universe and as a result she had to reject me because of “me”.
No. Let go of that mentality. Realize that rejection is never personal and even if it was they’re just one person. They don’t know you so they can’t really reject “you”. They can just reject the idea they have of you. With that mentality in place you’re able to leave with a smile after a girl rejects you. That’s how you become mentally strong.
7. Develop a positive self imageMen who are successful with women see themselves as being successful at interacting with women. Men who are not see themselves as someone who is not successful with women.
What do you think happens when you imagine yourself as someone who’s not successful at engaging with women? You usually feel a loss of confidence. You feel pity for yourself as a result of the self image you’re seeing in your mind.
But if you see yourself as someone who is successful with women, you’ll naturally feel the motivation to become that person. This desire will cause you to take action and inevitably make this self image a reality.
But most guys don’t know that the self image is dynamic; you can change it. It’s not static.
By developing the self image of someone who us successful with women, rejection will not be perceived as a reflection of who you are as a person, but rather as feedback.
You may ask yourself, “how come this happens?”
It’s because if you perceive it it as a reflection of your self image, it will not be consistent with what you see inside, and as a result your mind will choose to ignore it.
The mind will only process feedback that strengthens the self image. That’s why if you believe you you aren’t good at interacting with women, you’ll only notice the feedback that confirms your self image. Rejection will sting more and when a girl does not respond to your text it’ll hurt your feelings.
This is why confident people can take an insult with a smile because their minds don’t allow them to process what happened. They laugh at it because they know it’s not true.
So now that we know this, how do you change your self image? Simple. Just take 30 minutes a day and envision who you’d like to become. Notice how women react differently to you and notice how you react differently as well.
If you do this for about 30 minutes a day, this compelling future will become too exciting for you to sit around and not take actions towards achieving it.
ConclusionThe reason why I call them habits is because they take time to develop.
If you simply use the last exercise that I showed you about visualizing your ideal self for 30 minutes a day, and you see an image of yourself having already ingrained these 7 habits, you’ll feel like a different person, and if done consistently, your life will reflect those changes.
It’s inevitable. Your subconscious mind will make sure that you get what you focus on.